:: Is your First love, your True Love? ::

I was sprawled on the living room couch watching my favourite, encore - Glee while Zafran and Lydia landed safely on their bed. Zafran he is in the process of building a sentence with his own words. So cute when one day he said to me "Timekasih mama" after i gave him a glass of water. I scribble down some beautiful sentences by Zafran:

"Mama, jom la matok, tido jom" (while i was busy with my so called 'job', he came and asked me to go to the bedroom and sleep)

"Mama, tak mau pakai ni, tak mau baju ngantok" (after i bathed him at 6pm i thot i wanna put on him nightdress/baju tidur. Macam mana boleh jadi baju ngantok zafran...? Baju tidur la sayang...)

"Mama, tengok tu, Dia tido kusi" (He told me that Lydia slept on the sofa)

"Mama, comelnya.." (He compliment the new shirt that i bought for him)

So cute when Zafran is starting to say something in his own way. Precious moment in my life to witness the step by step process of my kids. Lydia...mmm...she is in the same process, when one day i heard voices, exactly like a giant turkey bickering with each other. Could that be Lydia? Oh no... !

After finished with the Glee, I was thinking to watch again oopppsss.. Winter Sonata, So I chose one of the episode that really turned me like a maniac and half concious everytime i watched it last time. Episode 3 - where the first time U-jinn met Jun Sang after ten years of separation. Fuhh.. they are so loyal to each other... is this kind of love exist in the real life?

I didn't recall when my first love was (chewahhhh). Hell no, i wasn't a type of easy to crush on a man (boleh ke aku sendiri percaya dengan statement ni hahaha). During school times, i was a school prefect, you know school prefect... they have to act they are perfect (anyway i am not supposed to say this, it is all about role and responsibility huh!) Well, i have a man in my dream during that uniform times, but i guess it was something normal to have that kind of feeling for a plain jane kid like me that time.

Back to the question above, my answer is NO. My true love is always and only for Him. I know some of us may have experienced this situation before. First love is like a home where the heart is always belong. For me it is not a true love, it is something unforgettable--that's what first love is. Sometimes when we are alone, then we start to reminisce the picture perfect memories when we first time getting to know the feeling of being loved by someone. That's the truth. I see many of them including my friends are so happy with their second, third or maybe fourth love sekalipun....alhamdulillah. So obviously first love - is not a 'measuring tape' of happiness to someone's life. It is just a sticky thing that cannot be erased from our mind but it can be vanished if we know our direction/objective in our lives.

The day i lost my loved ones, i really feel something pervades in my soul. That was the day i have falling in love with Him, that was my love at first sight. All this while, i have been so blind until i couldn't see Him who always there for me through bitter and sweet, happy and sad moments in my life. Ya Ghaffar, ampunkan aku yang serba kekurangan ini! Thank you for making eyes opened widely to see the power of Your beautiful love....