Someone that i know, very close to mine is in the process to find herself. Every second in our life, we will see or at least hear about there is someone you know is about to do some transformation for their life. Well, i guess, if we are talking about good changes, clearly.. we have nothing to lose by doing it. Some more, if we do it because of HIM... lagi la besar pahalanya. I said to her, you are not being skipped for the test on your way to do some noble transformation, so patience is an essential tool to face it. Fear no more to failure, because it is a cornerstone for you to keep working at success. InsyALLAH, everything will be fine with you if you do it because of HIM. I pray for you dear.
This morning i saw Zafran sprawled on the floor, and it was so sweet of Lydia, she tried to help him get up. Zafran.. Zafran... with that bedraggled hair, he still looked gorgeous. I want to comb his hair but he ran here and there. He is a big tough boy now! Lydia she just gave me a genuine smile, with her ponytail plus straight black tendrils, goshh she looked cute with that way. Thank you ALLAH.
Muazzam asked me "what are you typing? you look busier than people in the office!". I don't know, i just love doing this. It keeps my adrenaline running. At least i have something to do, something that i loveeeeee to do and at least gimme accolades for being the hidden writer cum unpaid work i have here, hellooo! hahahahahaa
Speaking of which, i was thinking to do some changes on myself too. Someone said to me "we should learn to forgive people, it is a noble demeanour... what say you?". Knowing he meant, "It's true" i said with self-deprecating smile.
It was a true statement, indeed. And i was just deviated from my normal behaviour for a year. Deep down my heart, i did forgive them. Would that be a pure forgiveness?? But i couldn't forget certain things. That's the problem. O ALLAH, please forgive me for being so stubborn. O ALLAH, please help me to forget everything about the painful, embarrassing experiences that i had through last time... O ALLAH...please.. please..
Maybe one day i could piecing together what had been separated. When? I don't know. I don't have the answer yet. Only HE knows when it is. In between, i just wait for the real flashlight of forgiveness to come down my way. What i feel now, a test for me.. sort of. As day turned into month, month into year, I still keep it. Stupid huh?! Or can i say this "It is ok for being stupid as long as i satisfied for what i am doing". That's bad huh?! Some people may think it is ok if we are running toward a lengthy revenge, then we get tired of running, then we still wanna run until we get sprawled on the floor, then we get up, then we keep on running again... until we reach the sky of satisfaction. Do you think it is ok to stick to this principle? (i ask myself thou...)
Fuhhh... mountains of test coming your way in pursuing kindness. When we start to forgive someone after a long silent mode, then we get flooded by the questions "Why?" why you want to forgive someone like that, he /she had caused biggest humiliation in your life? Why you want to give in for someone like that? Why you want to sacrifice your principle? Why? Why? Why?
Itu semua syaitan yang berbisik sebenarnya!