Life principle.. I believe everybody has it. Me included. I don't wanna talk at length about the definition of the words. I hoisted my deep deep breath before i begin to ramble on this subject. (Hahahahhaa macam bagus!)
(Please take note, due to safety reason, the principles cannot be revealed by the blogger - lol)
Recently, that was the first time i felt i have lost in my own thought. For many years i have lived in my principles. I have made lines in my life and i have lived between the lines for years. I taught myself not to cross the lines, BUT I FAILED. Maybe because i am an ordinary person, maybe because i am just a human being, or maybe my 'patience' ozone layer has reduced day by day. So i made mistake. It wasn't a huge mistake, it was just, i have put anti-wrinkle cream on the lines... so the lines slowly dissappeared. How do i say this? Ummhhh... the mistake i did, it was something to do with my principles but nothing to do with other people. But other people who forces me to break the principles. Who to blame? Blame it to me, blame it to other people or maybe blame it on the rain who makes my clothes wet!
Again, i don't wanna elaborate on what was happened to me recently.... all i can say - it was really burst my principle and my rage exploded enormously and by sudden i became defence-less person. I realized i can't work with my own principle anymore. I just can't do anything in defence of my own principle, which i built myself! Now i see... Principles are also meant to be broken.
All this while, life principle is like a self-defence mechanism to protect myself from over-reacting to something unpleasant me. And that day..... the defence mechanism was suddenly damaged. They can't protect me anymore. Ok enough ramblings on the 'defence word'. Now i realized i started to use zillion 'defence' word. Defence..defence...Ahakkk...
Principle and Right. These two words works together. They have connection. Why i said so? Because i said so. If Nokia - connecting people, these two words connecting each other perfectly.
Well, i guess i have right not to follow my own principles anymore. Don't you think so? Yeahh.. I think so! After the incident, i always think 'AM I IN THE RIGHT SIDE? AM I? AM I? AM I? Maybe Yes, or maybe No. Things get complicated now. Do I make things arround me complicated? Yes. No actually, no...i am not. I am just doing some what we call a self-defence. After what happened, I have right to feel hurt, i have right to feel sad, i have right to feel angry, i have right to feel dissappointed, it's all a matter of - RIGHT. Because i am a human being, i have right to feel all those emotions damn it! Kali ni aku betul-betul emo!!
Again, I am a defence-less person. Human is weak by nature (which i thought MAN is weak by nature in the first place hahahhaa). That's all i can tell. I am not a robot or machine who doesn't feel anything, do as told, and when the time comes, people will switch off the button so i just stay where people need me to stay. Muazzam? He's so seemed to be 'unaffected' by the incident. He's cool, i know he's that type of person. Thanks for always standing by me dear... you are a super hero of my time babe! Remember the Superman tshirt i bought for you...it was expensive you know and now it's really worth it.
Sometimes is easy for us to advise others to do good things. Example: "When people do bad things to you, you shouldn't do bad things to them back. Be patient, although the thing they did to you caused a major disaster in your life, be patient". This is what i always defence of. I remember old saying says, patience - there is a limit. Yes...there is a limit, i admit. When there is something guzzling your patience frequently...there you feel tested. When you get tested for million times, you get bored. I am weak, this time damnnn weak! I can't toughly hold my shield this time, because i am neither Xena the warrior nor a robot.
Ok, before i kungfu dunk my laptop into pieces, better i pen off here. Ooo la la...
- since that there is no update for Zafran this time, i can see his feet up there...is more than enough. love you baby!